LABOUR/BIRTH

Depression just the sound of the word is yuck. Depression is close to home for me and many others too. The depression this blog is about is my experience with Postnatal Depression.

My first son was born 27 days early it was a shock when I went into labour. Its one thing to be pregnant and another to realise "OMG this baby is on its way, eek!" I went into shock just sat on a chair freaking out, oblivious to what was happening around me. Hubby had to pack my stuff for hospital 'cos my mind wasn't here it was dealing with labour, painful labour. This day was my Mum's  birthday too and it was funny when my contractions were 5 minutes apart to say "Happy Birthday Mum, I'm off to hospital now to give birth to your next grandson". No birthday cake for me lol!

The car ride to hospital was the worst! I was in sooo much pain and trying to keep the seatbelt on made the pain sooo much worse! F words were spoken and  happy when we arrived to get out of the car, felt better walking round.

My labour lasted 8 hours, it was the most excruciating pain I had ever experienced in my life, no pain relief, I heard that getting an epidural could affect my bond with baby so I didn't want to take that risk. Eight hours later nearing 0200 (2am) I met my son who had been kicking me for 8 months and seeing his beautiful blue eyes was a moment to cherish.
In a short time baby was taken away to have his checks and he had trouble breathing so was taken up to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
Backtrack after I gave birth for some reason my whole body shook like an earthquake and I tried to ask my Midwife if this shaking was normal but she's too exhausted helping me give birth she didn't answer me. I think it may've been severe dehydration 'cos when I first went into labour I didn't drink or eat anything, and during labour in hospital I dry retched really bad, needed ice chips to help with dehydration.

Baby is taken up to NICU help with his breathing and I showered and had something to eat just toast with spread, after all the dry retching my stomach was empty so could manage very little. I get taken to my room at Christchurch Womans' Hospital and did I sleep? No my mind went through the moment I went into labour to giving birth and it took ages to get to sleep, felt like an adrenaline rush. While I was sleeping the nurse came in to help get my Colostrum working to help bring my milk through to breastfeed, I was totally wreaked to do it myself so let the nurse squeeze my nipples.
I did get called up to NICU to breastfeed baby.

I get up to NICU and see my gorgeous baby boy and try breastfeeding him, still feeling exhausted I didn't even know if he was latching properly just assumed he was.
I had a chat to baby saying "Mum misses you in her room so hope you will be well enough to leave NICU and be with me". I had my time with baby then left him in NICU went back to my room. Sometime later I was told baby is breathing on his own and can come down with me, I was happy and wondered if baby understood the words I had said to him, freaky. Baby comes down and is lying in crib beside me and I start freaking out in my mind "What do I do if he cries?" This was the start to my anxiety as a new mum not knowing WTF I was doing.